It’s been some time since I’ve sat down at the computer and finished a piece of writing. Many a time I’ve sat down with the intention to write and share my wisdom only to find I become some sort of keyboard ninja; index finger my greatest weapon – backspacing the f*** out of the words on the page until there is nothing left.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the last month, asking myself questions like: What is happening right now? Why can’t I finish a piece of writing? Is this resistance? If so, then what is it I am resisting? And so on and so forth. I feel it’s got something to do with the whole human doing v’s the human being. It’s been coming up for me a lot lately.
When I think back to what life was like in the months leading up to this point, I’d been so caught up in the doing; I’d forgotten what it meant to BE. I had allowed myself to be completely consumed by my work, sports, the people in my life and my own thoughts. I’d become lost in the doing and eventually my body stepped in and communicated to me that enough was enough – it was time to STOP with all the doing and just be.
I became quite unwell and was unable to work for a few days, barely moving off the couch. I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine; I was absolutely distraught and felt completely lost and confused around what was happening. Being the beautiful wise teacher she is, she offered her wisdom to me. It was around being present, letting go of all of the internal dialogue, the self-destructing self-talk and instead replacing it with love and compassion for myself. Having love for my body instead of feeling hate and rage, tuning in and listening to the wisdom being offered by the experience, apologising, forgiving and surrendering to what was. Such amazingly helpful advice that guided me back home to ME.
Some time has passed and I am now in a much better space. I’ve begun incorporating rituals into my life which have been really helpful and grounding. Most mornings (not all) I sit down on a sea of pillows, light an incense stick, put my headphones in and meditate. Sometimes I will meditate for 10 minutes, sometimes longer. Some days I don’t meditate at all. I’ve found freeing myself of the expectation to meditate daily has been really useful. Previously I would say to myself: “I am going to meditate every day for 5 minutes” and then I would NOT meditate and beat myself up and judge myself around not doing – and I’d never quite make it to the cushiony sea. Whereas now, I meditate when I feel called to (just so happens it is most days). I sit down with the intention to tune in to the inner knowing and to be guided through my day with love. What I’ve found through the practice of meditation is that I am a lot more calm and centred as I move through my day.
I would love for you to share your wisdom with others. Are you a human doing or a human being? and what helps you to move from the human DOING to the human BEING?